Nerd Certification Revoked

"Hey, did you know you can change the start-up image on the camera? I just made it so when you push the power button a little bird comes up instead of the stupid Canon logo!"

"Wow, check it out, grid lines on the view screen."

"Hey, what does this 'format memory card' do?"

"Oh, f..............................."


Yes, and that is how I deleted all my TequilaCon photos off my camera. Not only did I fail to upload them after more than a week of being home, I never even removed the card from the camera. God I'm an idiot.

Most are no great loss since enough people have posted their own shots that if I drink a whole beer and squint through my self-pity tears I can almost convince myself I took some of them. However there were some gems that will be lost forever. Most notably the video I took of Brandon straddling Vahid's leg trying to get his boot off. I've done my best to recreate the now vanished moment....

...but it just doesn't have the same effect without Brandon's grunting bulging forehead vein.

Sigh.

The only thing keeping me from full on depression is the fact that I get to be a bachelor this week with KJ being gone at some genius convention. Translation: I have a whole Little Caeser's pepperoni pizza in front of me and am about to indulge in a seriously over-funded vampire/werewolf movie. It remains to be seen though if even with an abundance of free time I'll actually be able to break my posting streak of more than 1 per every two weeks.

TequilaCon'09: Party Crashing is How it's Done

You can pretty much count on one hand the number of times I've posted in the last 12 months. The logical person would assume thereby that I would not be attending the year's TequilaCon gathering.

WRONG.

Logic has nothing to do with it. Apparently neither does pre-planning since I wasn't even aware I was going until Thursday night.

But then Dave said if I'd come he'd let me sleep in his bunk bed and well...let's face it...who wouldn't take that deal? Plus he kept offering me popsicles, but I'm not sure what that was about.

So now I'm sitting in the Albuquerque Airport Sunport (don't ask) attempting to recall the best party I've ever crashed.

Highlights:

• Jenny being so surprised at my arrival that she punched Vahid in the kidney*
  
• Black Dragon Margaritas (it's like Jesus finally heard me and created a 30 proof Mike's Hard Lemonade...and with "Dragon" in the name, no one will ever mock my pansy drinking status again!)
• Vahid's black cowboy hat that radiated ultra-sex (yes, ultra-sex).
• Brandon's cowboy vest that he tried to convince everyone he didn't bring from home (The truth will set you free).
• Custom TC'09 tequila bottles (courtesy of Dave and Vahid)
• Discussing the dangers facing EMS workers in the Bronx with NYC Watchdog(who said this conference wasn't educational?).
• The DJ at the Catamount (Dance free, little bird...dance free)
  
• Meeting Scott (who according to comrade Brandon (and I quote) "had nothing to do with me starting a blog and who is a filthy capitalist. MOTHERLAND!")
  

...and the list goes on. Seriously, thank you to everyone who showed up and made TequilaCon'09 such an amazing event. A special thanks to Jenny for putting this together once again, to Dave for twisting my arm and getting me to come (and for the popsicles), and the the TC planning committee as a whole for all their attention to detail that always makes TequilaCon such a kick ass party.

P.S. Thank you also to Santa Fe. Unlike my previous assumption, you are not like a broke-ass version of Arizona.


*I failed anatomy - it could have been his pancreas...or his arm

Stop Laughing At My BBQ and Take It Already

Seriously, it's not a hard equation.

1. I have a really crappy BBQ
2. I want to get rid of said BBQ
3. I post a comical ad for said BBQ on Craigslist
4. You see comical ad for crappy BBQ and decide "it's worth picking this thing up just for the Lulz!"
5. Profit! No more BBQ!

Don't write me and tell me "hahaha, that ad was teh best!!11!1! I don't need ur sh1tty bBQ though..."

Edit: At least it's getting some play on this blog (warning: floral background imaging will probably scald your retinas.)

...

Dave and Vahid speak
"New posts or web will shun you"
Truths I know in heart

A Nice Welcome Home

KJ and I survived our weekend retreat up in the San Juans (pictures and stories tomorrow).  Now I'm just sitting her watching the crazy lightning.   Any of you other Seattlites seeing this?  Pretty freaking cool.

Italia, Che Cazzo!?!

Dear Italy,

I thought we were friends. Compadres. Homies. Amici. I thought we visited, had a few drinks, ate a few calzones, consumed a lot of gelato and called it a vacation. I say nice things about you, you say nice things about me, badda bing badda boom, finito.

Why then do I get a call from MasterCard saying you're trying to treat me like a porca puttana? Eh? Don't tell my I'm full of merde. I got the bank records right in front of me, you stronzo.

*June 23rd - UNIEURO - $906.23
*June 22nd - LIMONI PROFUMERIE - $301.27
*June 22nd - EURONICS - $697.69

So what... I get back to the states and start workin' my culo off just so you can go off and buy perfume, eurotrash home appliances, and electronics? You know what, mangia merde e morte.

P.S. Venice - you smell like shit. I didn't know whether to give you a tic-tac or a roll of toliet paper.

*For translation purposes (nsfw)

A message from KJ

Dear Dave,
Thank you for the fantastic badge. I am sorry I did not make it to your soiree. I heard good times were had by all.

Sincerely,
KJ

P.S. Remind me next I see you to show you pictures of Dustin waxing his back for our honeymoon. Talk about good blog material.




****I knew giving her the secret email address to my blog was a mistake! - The Management